So I am sitting at work talking to an older employee when he tells me how he has cut out all sugar and bread from his diet and is losing weight. He has been doing this since Easter.
My initial thoughts:
- Why can’t I have that control over food anymore? What’s wrong with me etc. Maybe I should do that to lose some weight.
- I want to stand up and make a run for it. I need to get out of here.
That first reaction was brief and quickly stomped on- I am too bright for that silly nonsense (atleast that’s what I’m trying to tell myself :)). But that second one- ughh. Triggers are inevitable and we are constantly bombarded with them- for people with current/past ED or eating issues this can be an anxious and very uncomfortable situation. Actually this can uncomfortable for anyone when you really think about it.
Still, at this point in my recovery I feel I cannot deal with that sort of talk. I’ve even avoided seeing a couple of my friends (sorry) because in the past they have discussed diets, dieting, calories in gum (roll eyes) in an unknowingly innocent way, not realising how I die a little inside. People discuss topics like that everyday but for someone with an ED it’s not just a topic to be discussed, it’s a (past or current) goal, struggle and reality. How am I expected to stop when I am constantly surrounded by it?
Well you know what? Toughen up, because that’s life (ahh why am I being mean? Really I’m typing this harshly for myself- so imagine I’m saying it to you with a warm smile as O gently pat your back with a choc chip cookie at your disposal). People will talk about things that are going to be tough for you to listen to; so tune out, excuse yourself politely or just don’t contribute to the conversation. People do not realise how hindering their off-hand comments can be, like: Just don’t eat it (oh yeh If only), wow that’s a big serving (thanks for making me feel good about what I’m about to eat), I’m not eating sugar anymore (realistic?) or the ever-predictable ‘I can’t, I’m on a diet’. Better yet, the media- tv, magazines, radio, billboards for Gods’ sake- all bear triggers that reinforce this strange mentality we as society have. *KFDFKNBKNBSGKNBKDNN#$II$#OI That’s my rage- basically crazy keyboard language for: Damn you society and your impossible limitations, expectations and temptations setting us up for failure. Yep, I think that’ll do for now.
I’m sorry for the more depressing/angry/chaotic-cat-lady tone of post. I guess you’re more use to quirky and chirpy Bek? But as I post about my day-to-day life- this is what I’m currently trying to deal with and I hope through my struggles and realisations you can relate it to your own 🙂 I think one good thing we should all tell ourselves is to NOT overthink it.
We can’t stop it but it doesn’t mean we have to embrace it, share it with others, listen to it or comply with its’ messages. You know what is the healthiest thing to do for your body. I know that I cannot deprive my body of anything (unless I plan on consuming ten times that amount at a later date). And even though I grit my teeth together at the thought of someone cutting out or restricting certain foods forever, I should try to remember that as individuals we are unique and amazing in our own ways- what is good for one may not be for another. Whilst my employee friend may not miss sugar or bread at all and not feel a need for it in his diet (diet in the food you consume sense not in the deprivation and worst-thing-ever sense), using his logic I may end up bingeing on loaves and cartons of the stuff. Do what is right for you and your body, do what is healthiest for you and your body and try to avoid falling for those tricky surrounding triggers.
What do or would you do in a triggering situation? (Help a girl out!)