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Posts Tagged ‘eating disorder’

Isolated

If you follow me on twitter than you know I started my Saturday off with a weight session, and if you’re currently taking up residence in my legs you’ll know I’m feeling it. It was a typical full body workout with a few self improvements. I’ve already started to progress to heavier dumbbells for my chest press and my form for squats is improving as my range deepens. My hands are starting to ache a bit when I do dead lifts though so I might have to invest in gloves (or harden up) before I end up dropping the bar.

As mentioned yesterday my usual routine is starting to rear its’ head which means my Saturday will be spent working and breakfast will look like this. But in the midst of this routine it also means date night is on the cards. With Christmas being celebrated and New Years Eve to come I think we’ll keep it simple. Now now, don’t confuse simple with boring because Grill’d and Jersey Shore season 2 is anything but boring.

With all that aside let’s get chatting about todays’ topic post.

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I wanted to talk about a topic that is particularly personal and albeit a little embarrassing for me. However, in saying that I know there are others out there, perhaps for the same reason as mine or alternatives, that are dealing with the same issue. Plus I know you guys are the sweetest ever so I’ve got nothing to worry about. Here we go..

I’m isolated– and I’ve done this to myself.

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I’ve known for ages that I had shut myself off to people, friends in particular, for a while. I guess it started when things got serious with Simon. Could you blame me? I was a young girl with her first (and only) love! However, I was still somewhat social, especially during school. It was the first year post-high school graduation that I started to slowly disconnect from others- but that’s too be expected right? People go there separate ways, move, find new friends at universities etc. I still saw people but I began finding comfort in spending more time with my boy.

What really shut me out to the world though? My eating disorder. It controlled every aspect of my life, not just my food and exercise. I avoided any social situations that would require or perhaps see me take in extra calories, calories I didn’t account for or ‘scary’ unknown mystery calories.

Friends and a healthy social life was one of the many things my ED robbed me of.

I guess it really hit home with New Years coming up and everyone having their own things on. From what I’ve read, seen and heard it’s actually pretty common. It’s not just an ED thing by any means. People isolate themselves, intentionally and unintentionally, for a wide range of reasons that they may or may not be able to control.

Where to from here? Well it’s not going to be instantaneous but I am going to make more of an effort to catch up with friends (calories included!) and make my friendships and social events one of the many priorities in my life.

I didn’t write this for pity or attention but felt it was an issue in my life (just like it may be in yours) that I wanted to bring to light, in hope that I can somehow connect with a reader who may be feeling the exact same and to make my commitment to change my anti-social ways written, public and accountable.

Don’t get me wrong I am very blessed and do have amazing friends. But I am slowly growing further and further away from them and it’s got to stop. So will you keep me accountable?

Are you isolated from friends? Or perhaps from other people? How did you make the transition back?

Daily Healthy Thought: I will try.

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I’ve dealt with my fair share of guilt- from food guilt, exercise guilt and just the typical guilt you experience throughout daily experiences and events. Guilt is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean it can persuade someone to make a better choice or could motivate you to move about a bit more often. However, it is something that should seen infrequently in small doses. If you’re someone who has dealt with an eating disorder or eating disorder tendencies then you probably know guilt a little bit better than most.

It’s my guilt, or actually lack of guilt, that I wanted to discuss today.

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See, if you were to rewind the clock a year or even a few months ago I wouldn’t be where I am now. It’s obvious I’ve made progress (yes, I’m tooting my own horn here) and even if I still go through those bumps in the road I am very proud of where I am and what I’ve done.

During the Christmas and New Year period gyms start to close, group fitness classes cancel and people start to go away, visit family and vacation. This means getting workouts in can be pretty difficult, as well as it sometimes being darn right inconvenient and not necessary to be honest.

I went away to visit the in laws and spend time at Port Macquarie which means my usual high intensity, exercise packed life was reduced to relaxing walks and incidental exercise.

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I am actually shocked at how well I dealt with it. There were no tears, no guilt and no dampen on my Christmas break because I wasn’t working out. Exercising is definitely one of those avoidance behaviours for me, and by me being okay to not exercise- well it says a lot.

In the past my life was scheduled around my gym and workouts. And in all honesty it probably still is. I guess that’s because it’s something I truly value in life and I make sure to always have time for it. But the degree to which it controls my life, well that’s definitely changed.

It no longer controls my life, well atleast not like it use to. I control my life and exercise is something I choose to do. However, it’s also something that I can choose not to do if things come up and life happens- because it’s inevitable that things like this will occur.

I guess this is just another perk of recovery- a happy, guilt-free life.

Do (or did) you get exercise guilt? 

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