Okay, so on a Friday you’re usually tieing up all the loose ends before the weekend gets here right? Or maybe you’re a bit lazy and half-assing it, determined that you’ll fix it Monday (famous last words. Monday comes round and oh snap I shoulda done this Friday). Either way I’m going to catch you up with what’s been happening around my joint this week:
- Wined and dined at Alchemy (can be found on the Restaurant page).
- New tasty additions to the recipe page for crepes & brownies.
- Registered for the ultimate obstacle course race- The Stampede. (squeal)
- A new fitness entry for amateur runners- Improving your running stride. Which is more for my benefit being the sucky runner I am haha.
- I shared my fav healthy snacks.
- Two inspiration & motivation posts on triggers and self-happiness.
- And finally, I reviewed those (exxy) grocery items I bought.
Wowee, your clicking finger is definitely going to get it’s workout with that one ;)
I’ve been reflecting on my life recently and thinking about how my ED has affected it. And what better way to really look at it than writing it all down. Here’s what I’ve lost gained through an ED.
- Well I’m sure I’m currently gaining a few extra kgs now with this bingeing phase. Though I wouldn’t know because I haven’t weighed myself. Lucky I LOVE the gym or I could most possibly not fit through a doorframe anymore (haha joking, I hope I didn’t offend anything either).
- A passion and love for the gym and all things fitness.
- Mild depression and anxiety.
- Control freak tendencies.
- An abundance of fitness and health-related knowledge.
- Low self-confidence and body image.
- A psychologist.
- A closer and more supportive relationship with my boyfriend (this would of happened anyways but him being there for me through this time has done more than words can express).
- A food obsession.
- New types of food. Widened my taste buds.
- A healthier lifestyle.
- A stronger determination.
- A tendency to always overthink- overworked brain/mind?
- Initially, 20 or so kilos.
- Friends and a social life.
- My zest for life.
- Body trust.
- My laziness.
- So many experiences (missed chances).
Well, does anyone else feel depressed reading that? I guess that it is just so in-your-face having it typed out in front of me. Eating disorders definitely aren’t glamorous nor are they fun. I will admit the struggle has allowed me to reap some positives but really it’s a sad looking list (as dealing with any life struggle does). What’s terrible is that we do this to ourselves. Somewhere along the lines we get sucked in and we lose ourselves. There’s no longer just you, there’s you and your ED and she being the pushy bitch she is, overwhelmingly overcomes you and you start to slip away. I guess these just add more reasons to why I am determined to rid myself of this ED. But isn’t it terrible of me that I had to get to the point of losing my food control and my ED strength (my body is rebelling. And I was losing the strength of a restrictive ED and gaining the strength of one I didn’t seem to enjoy as much) in order to want to get better. I was fine living day to day in my anorexia/orthorexia/whateverexia (yes made that up- not to make fun but to explain that I just didn’t fit into one category but many, and I didn’t fit every criteria of each category either) eating habit state, but once the body started to rebel against the ED and I started to do uncontrollable things that’s when I wanted to get help. I just hope if you’re reading this and you can feel you relate (not just ED any personal struggles)- don’t leave it too late. Deal with it now before your body (or something else) does, deal with it now before it gets worse… just deal with it. To lighten the mood:
It couldn’t help but pop into my head.
Ahhh so now I sorta feel like a party pooper… and on a Friday night nonetheless! Hmm maybe I should come back later with a more chirpy post to counteract this not-so-happy and brutally honest one? Done deal baby.
What have you lost and gained through your life struggles?