Another post less than 4 hours after the first one? Yes I am feeling the blogging depravity. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but we’ll roll with it because it sounds smart 😉
Okay so if you read my earlier post you will know that I’ve had quite a stressful and anxious time over the past couple of days. Well, thankfully I am out of that ‘zone’ now and it has allowed me to reflect on just what being in that zone involves. When I am anxious and stressed to the point that it is unhealthy a (I want to write an but it just doesn’t read properly!) usual pattern of behaviours and occurrences come about. I thought I’d share it with you and see whether or not you are the same or if you have some of your own to add to the list.
Me in the anxious/stressed/depressed zone:
- Frequent crying intervals. Yup, I am quite an emotional person so when I’m in this zone I literally cry out all my bodily fluids. It can come in short or long bursts.
- No focus. I can only focus on what I am stressed/anxious/depressed over. I had no motivation to blog, to do uni study (not hard to believe but usually I am a motivated person and someone who likes to achieve good grades) and sometimes even no motivation to go to the gym (!)- however if I was teaching it was usually a different story but still a slight struggle.
- Feeling the need to escape. I don’t know where I was going but I felt like I needed to bust out of my skin. I tried to escape the feelings I guess?
- Anger and aggression. Usually I am more mopey and sad but occasionally if someone has a go at me or says something I don’t mesh well with, I may retaliate and yell- and I even pushed over a chair. Yup, not my finest moment.
- Binges. If you’ve read past posts you will know bingeing is one of my coping mechanisms. However, I’ve generally got it under control lately with the awesome anxiety techniques my therapist gave me.
- Unable to cope with anything. This means I will typically close myself off to people in fear that I’ll be triggered into a binge or a terribly depressive stage (posts here & here) that I’ve (thankfully) only experienced once. It’s like I am walking on egg shells with a plastic bubble around me.
- No drive to live. This is a serious topic, by no means am I suicidal or implying I want to end my life but I have no drive to ‘live’. By live I mean engage in all life has to offer. I was want to be a blimp and make my way through life till my time is up. I don’t want to feel.
Because I really hate leaving you feeling a bit down I am going to describe how I am in another zone. When I am in my happy-loving life zone.
- I have a drive to live, to experience, explore, love, cry, laugh, watch, listen, learn, enjoy, hurt, grow, improve- I WANT IT ALL. It’s amazing being happy- I get what they were on about when they said life was good.
- The little things make me happy. A good song, a smile or a text from a friend.
- I want to be social. I want to strengthen relationships, friendships and just interact with other human beings!
- I am truly appreciative of all I have. I am so blessed in life (incase you didn’t already know hehe).
- I see obstacles and struggles as a challenge and know I’ll come out of them a better and stronger person.
There are so many more things to add to the list! I’d love to hear your suggestions? Feel free to also add things to the other list also.